Today I tried an instant cream of wheat package that I got free. It was strawberries and cream flavor, so I thought it would be okay. Nope.
The first bite was a "meh". Which, as I should know by now, means that the rest would get worse and worse. Henry was begging for some. "You don't know it, but you don't want this," I told him, "You would say, 'why did you give that to me? what a bad owner to give me such awful stuff!'". He begged still and I took a second bite. It was definitely worse. In the ten seconds that I had taken to warn Henry, the consistency had passed bad and gone to toture worthy. I'm pretty sure cream of wheat will be the new weapon of evil dictators. Henry ran off and ran back again just in time for my third bite, which I put off to give him some. He liked it. He likes dead worms, too.
I started thinking about something else to distract myself so that I could choke it down. Milk. Milk was a good thought. Milk to wash down this icky sludgy meal that tasted like processed strawberry powder. Since those little instant packets are about the size of my thumb, there weren't many more bites, so I ate the rest. But I gagged on the last two bites. Full out gagged. I never gag. I love food. Cream of wheat must be made from the toenails of Nazi spies to induce such a reaction from me.
My mouth was pretty mad at me by this time. My mouth and I hate throwing up and gagging is awfully akin to throwing up, so I had to satiate myself with some milk. That helped. We're friends again, but its kind of conditional. No more cream of wheat.
If you like cream of wheat, feel free to comment, but I won't be swayed by your weedling to eat Nazi toenails. That's just gross.