Saturday, December 12, 2009

Cream of Wheat is Disgusting

Today I tried an instant cream of wheat package that I got free. It was strawberries and cream flavor, so I thought it would be okay. Nope.

The first bite was a "meh". Which, as I should know by now, means that the rest would get worse and worse. Henry was begging for some. "You don't know it, but you don't want this," I told him, "You would say, 'why did you give that to me? what a bad owner to give me such awful stuff!'". He begged still and I took a second bite. It was definitely worse. In the ten seconds that I had taken to warn Henry, the consistency had passed bad and gone to toture worthy. I'm pretty sure cream of wheat will be the new weapon of evil dictators. Henry ran off and ran back again just in time for my third bite, which I put off to give him some. He liked it. He likes dead worms, too.

I started thinking about something else to distract myself so that I could choke it down. Milk. Milk was a good thought. Milk to wash down this icky sludgy meal that tasted like processed strawberry powder. Since those little instant packets are about the size of my thumb, there weren't many more bites, so I ate the rest. But I gagged on the last two bites. Full out gagged. I never gag. I love food. Cream of wheat must be made from the toenails of Nazi spies to induce such a reaction from me.

My mouth was pretty mad at me by this time. My mouth and I hate throwing up and gagging is awfully akin to throwing up, so I had to satiate myself with some milk. That helped. We're friends again, but its kind of conditional. No more cream of wheat.

If you like cream of wheat, feel free to comment, but I won't be swayed by your weedling to eat Nazi toenails. That's just gross.


Megan said...

Wow. Nazi toenails. Gross.

BUT Ash and I love cream of wheat. So does my husband (funny that I spoke of "Ash and I" first. ha. ha.)But the stove top kind. The kind you make with whole milk and add sugar or brown sugar or maple syrup or half and half to. Instant stuff is dumb. Except for popping cookie dough in the microwave and eating it half baked.

Sarah said...

I agree with everything Megan said. Instant Cream of Wheat is grossss. make it on the stove and add brown sugar and raisins (unless you're Megan, in which case you can skip them). Perfect for cold days.

Jennifer said...

That wonderfully vivid description has made me swear never to eat instant cream of wheat, if such an idea were ever to have occurred to me. I love the stove-top kind (especially with honey!), but since I have no experience with instant I can't promise you it's worlds better. I just imagine it is, because instant packages are disgusting as a rule. Must be why they're giving them away free.

Bubabug said...

LMAO!!! HAHAHAHAHA; even cried a little form laughter and the truth of it all.