Thursday, July 29, 2010

"...What heights of peace, when fears are stilled..."

I found something today. Two posts by someone I immediately admire after reading only two of her blog posts. She could steal lollipops from babies for all I care. I love her.

As you know (read: "As I continually elaborate"), I prefer research-proven methods. I'm all scientific like that. I'm totally into the CDC vaccine schedule and multivitamins and exercise and the health-promoting benefits of having friends. Because they're proven. So when I discovered the following posts on the evidence pertaining to mom jeans - specifically to their negative impact on the shape of one's butt, legs and entire figure, I just about peed my pants (sorry, Mom, I know you hate it when I say that, but I'll make it up to you).

Please read the following posts and view the following pictures (read them in order) and just try to contain your glee. Let your fears of waking up one day and finding yourself looking like that mom, die here.

Research on Mom Jeans 1
Research on Mom Jeans 2 (note, this is the same post as the link at the bottom of #1)

Friday, July 23, 2010

You know you're a Martha when...

... when in the middle of chores this morning you thought, "Well... I'm not really a Martha... I have 'sitting at Jesus' feet' on my to-do list..."

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Baby Class

Baby class is watching videos of babies being born and babies being nursed. Which means baby class is wondering how second babies ever get made if the husband is present at the first birth... and is not blind.

Baby class is practicing contractions with relaxation techniques. Which means baby class can get a bit awkward when 19 women are pretending to be in pain, while holding various birthing positions and breathing in "hee"s and "hoo"s as their partners look uncomfortably on.

Baby class is comparing the size of your baby bump to 18 other baby bumps and trying to calculate how long it will take each one of you to look normal again. And hoping you will look normal again.

Baby class is a tool to show how very immature you and your partner are, because you still follow many of the instructors comments with, "that's how we got into this mess..." whispered in each others ears and you find yourself snickering at videos the rest of the class is taking very seriously.

Baby class is showing up with Starbucks coffee and feeling awkward because all the other pregnant mothers are sipping water and eating fruit.

Baby class is wondering if you can get an epidural just to tide you over until the end of the car seat video.

Baby class is wondering if you can just adopt the rest.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Three Most Recent Pregnancy Comments

During a quick trip to Costco, I was reminded that pregnancy is as good as an introduction in getting people to talk to you. I don't really aspire to talk to people at Costco - I aspire to buy food - so it was a bit awkward for me. The first comment was a compliment. Thank you. I will take those all day long.

The second was from a sleeze-bag who said "Congratulations" in the sleeze-baggiest way possible while staring at my stomach. I don't know. No comment. Except blech.

The third was the most interesting. I was head and arm deep in the milk refrigerator, reaching for the two percent (skim is for people who aren't pregnant) and I hear a high-pitched voice in my ear saying, "Oooh, when is the baby DUE?" Once again, caught up in food purchasing and not expecting strangers to make themselves familiar with me in Costco, it took me a minute before I answered.
"Uh... September 16th"
More mutterings and high pitched squeals (am I the only person who thinks it's weird that total strangers are giddy that I'm pregnant?). Then, reaching out to touch my stomach and quickly pulling her hand back, she says, "Oh! I just want to TOUCH it! But I was in.. hmm... where was I?" More deliberation, "Ah... I think it was the Wal-Mart!"
I didn't say anything, but mentally filed away that she had said "the" Wal-Mart, so that I could complain about people who don't speak correctly, like I do.
She then explained that in THE Wal-Mart she had been talking to a new mom and had reached out to touch her baby. When she did, the mother recoiled and said, "NO! No, touching!" The milk-interrupter gasped and "could not BELIEVE it".
It took many more "I can't believe it"s until I figured out that, instead of being appalled with her audacity in making herself comfortable with other people's bellies and babies, she was appalled that someone would mind a stranger poking at their child. Huh.
Then she patted my stomach (!), thanked me for being pregnant (!!) and walked away.

I wanted to ask her why she didn't learn her lesson the first time. I should have touched HER stomach. Then again, it may not have worked.

I'm not sure, folks. But you're welcome. You're welcome for being pregnant. You are not, however, welcome to my stomach, no matter how round it is.

Monday, July 12, 2010

Zucchini in California are not for Equal Opportunity

Alternately titled "How to Overcrowd your Vegetable Garden"
Alternately titled "When Maybe You Didn't Need That Second Helping of Miracle Grow"

When we planted the tomatoes, I had in mind the tall, slender tomatoes my dad grew in Virginia. Then we Miracle-Grew them because we're afraid of killing all our plants (please see grass in the picture of Henry below). They are planning their premier in "The Incredible Hulk" and are twice as wide as my expectations. The zucchini... to be fair, the zucchini also happened to be over the sprinkler line we had cracked (before we fixed it) and was routinely receiving LOTS of extra water. (Our fix didn't last too long, either, so we're not using the sprinkler system (hello, hose!) until the garden dies out and we can get to the crack again.) Apparently, it is impossible to over-water zucchini.

Anyhow. The garden has taken over the yard and is plotting to take over all of California. With produce for all. The zucchini however, is not into sharing sunlight and is currently trying to crowd out the tomato and basil with huge hand-like leaves. Just like a younger sibling. Please compare with our first picture of the garden with baby tomato plants, a teeny tiny (manipulating) zucchini and kolanchoe (the flowers.. they've since been removed due to overcrowding) with this current view of the jungle:
The tomatoes do not appear to be phased and are producing blossoms and shiny green pre-tomatoes at an alarming rate.

The zucchini blossoms on the other plant (which is incidentally, not using the TONS of room it has in its own garden across the patio) are starting to fall off to make room for edible things.

Today is Henry's first birthday. He is celebrating in his usual manner... with lots of attention and naps.

A sneak preview of the baby's room with its new coat of paint and recently-assembled crib (FULL of baby shower clothing). It will be classy and it will be all boy. Stay tuned.