Thursday, February 25, 2010

Ironic Impossibility... or Impossible Irony

You're looking forward to reading this one, aren't you?

You can always count on me for these sorts of things.
Fact: I am mostly always late
Hypothesis: There's nothing I can do about it.

Proof: Today as I was getting ready to leave for Bible study, on time, I mentally patted myself on the back. I was so on time. I was so on top of things. I had made my husband a fancy shmancy breakfast AND I was going to get to Bible study on time. I smiled as I grabbed my purse and reached for the recycling to take it out as I left.
It was really the beer bottle's fault. The cans and the newspaper wouldn't have done it, but the beer bottle had it out for me. It refused to be held when I picked it up and jumped out of my hand. No matter that I tried to catch it. It was determined to ruin things. The universe must have told it I was on time. It fell, crashed and shattered across the known world. Not only across the ENTIRE kitchen (ask Jon. I exaggerate not), but into the living room (carpet!!) and down the hall. It was impressive. I have to give the bottle credit for quick thinking and massive spreading potential. I knew as soon as it landed that I would be calling Brittany to tell her I was going to be late. But that wasn't really enough. The universe and the bottle (now blissfully shattered across the entire San Diego east side) must have been quite good friends, because as I was picking up large pieces (the poor Husband was getting a broom) my hand slipped and I slashed my finger right down the middle.
I stared gaping at my finger. It gaped back. Then, angrily, turned on the faucets and started spouting blood at me, at the floor and most especially at the broken glass. Cotton balls, water, bandaids and Neosporin. Brooms, paper bags and dust busters. Frantic wife, patient husband, confused dog (who got thrown in the back yard without a second glance).

I was not on time.

And now, I ask you: Is it humanly possible to be on time? Yes. Is it humanly possible for ME to be on time? No. Sadly when I'm on time I only get injured. So please tell me to be there 15 minutes before you want me. It's safer.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Babies are Like Happy Parasites

Clearly my maternal instincts haven't kicked in much yet.

I love my little 11 week old prenatal peanut. But really. I keep thinking of the time in college Sahara, then a nursing student, asked me what the difference was between a parasite and a baby. Both take nutrients first, both live inside of you, both come in from outside (well half of the baby comes in from outside, but we'll not go there). The only difference is that I WANT my baby, but I don't want a parasite. Also, once the baby is expelled (much more painfully than a parasite), the sweet thing continues to take food from the host/mom. For eighteen years.

With that said, I couldn't be more happy to be pregnant and growing a little peanut inside of me, so don't take my lunatic ravings as anything but that. :)

Also, I can't wait to start planning the nursery ... for my sweet little parasite.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Sour Gummy Worms

Today was the best Valentine's Day ever. The Husband woke me up with breakfast in bed, flowers, a bowl full of three of my favorite candies, the comics and a card that promised lemonade and cinnamon rolls in the fridge. Henry was also there, wagging his tail.
A new church visit, lunch at yogurtland (YUM!) and a Costco-membership later, we went home and watched the Olympics while Jon grilled filet mignon and potatoes. Perfect.

I also took a midterm that I didn't do so hot on, but I don't care anymore about these things, so it didn't ruin my day one bit.

I gave Jon a card with the following poem hastily scrawled on it. I hate to brag, but I really do own the best husband.

Houses of Dreams
Sara Teasdale

You took my empty dreams
and filled them every one
With tenderness and nobleness,
April and the sun

The old empty dreams
where my thoughts would throng
Are far too full of happiness
to even hold a song

Oh, the empty dreams were dim
and the empty dreams were wide
They were sweet and shadowy houses
where my thoughts could hide

But you took my dreams away
and you made them all come true
My thoughts have no place now to play
and nothing now to do.

Thank you, Jon, for the best and happiest two and a half years of my life!

Friday, February 12, 2010

I Wrote Crappy Poems in Highschool

But now I know I can't write poetry, so I happily obsess over people who can. Like Sara Teasdale. Enjoy.

Child, Child

HILD, child, love while you can
The voice and the eyes and the soul of a man;
Never fear though it break your heart --
Out of the wound new joy will start;
Only love proudly and gladly and well,
Though love be heaven or love be hell.

Child, child, love while you may,
For life is short as a happy day;
Never fear the thing you feel --
Only by love is life made real;
Love, for the deadly sins are seven,
Only through love will you enter heave


LIFE has loveliness to sell,
All beautiful and splendid things,
Blue waves whitened on a cliff,
Soaring fire that sways and sings,
And children's faces looking up
Holding wonder like a cup.

Life has loveliness to sell,
Music like a curve of gold,
Scent of pine trees in the rain,
Eyes that love you, arms that hold,
And for your spirit's still delight,
Holy thoughts that star the night.

Spend all you have for loveliness,
Buy it and never count the cost;
For one white singing hour of peace
Count many a year of strife well lost,
And for a breath of ecstasy
Give all you have been, or could be.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

He Woke Up Anyway...

I-10 owns me.
A summary of our drive out here:

Day one: Florida, Alabama, Louisiana and Texas
Day two: Texas, Texas, Texas... and one hour of New Mexico
Day three: New Mexico, Arizona and California

Apparently they knew we were coming and wanted to make us feel welcome...

Henry wouldn't stand next to the big cactus, so here he is next to the one that pricked his nose.

Maybe this was in New Mexico
These pictures are not in order.

Spice Cake and Other Matters

I was going to get up and clean the house, but Henry fell asleep on the floor next to me, and if I get up, he'll wake up and hyper the morning away, so I decided to post some pictures from the drive out, but the internet is being slow and it's taking forever, so I decided to try one really long run-on sentence and post a joke.

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says, "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen! Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down fuming, saying to the man next to her, "That stupid bus driver just insulted me!" The man says, "You go right up there and tell him off - go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

If Only it Would Break Back Into the Seventies, Then I Would Make Sense...

January 24th was National Peanut Butter Day and I missed it! I only figured it out because I was eating peanut butter (crunchy) on bread and thought, "I love peanut butter... I wonder who invented it... I would like to put flowers on the grave of whoever invented peanut butter..."
So I wikipedia-ed it and discovered that there are a bunch of people with patents and associations to peanut-paste and nut-butter and all kinds of things. It was confusing. But I did learn that China is a big peanut butter exporter, which seems wrong.

So the flowers will go on my kitchen table, instead.

I did some more research and decided this would be an acceptable arrangement to honor peanut butter on my kitchen table:

( )

Friday, February 5, 2010

A Calm, Moderately Opinionated Post

Last time I posted on this topic, I stepped on some toes, so let me preface by saying that I do not mean any offense. I am merely putting my view out there because I think it's important and I want to pass along some key information to all five of you that read this.

I especially don't want to step on Megan's toes, because they've been sore lately. From Hip Hop, not from taking offense.

There has been mass hype in this and other countries about vaccination of children over the last several years or more, including reports of immunizations causing autism. Check this out. Dr Andrew Wakefield, who so famously linked autism and the MMR vaccine in children in 1998, has been fully discredited. A new report shows even further shady dealings, pointing out that Dr Wakefield was being paid by lawyers attempting to prove that the MMR vaccine caused harm to children. The sketchiness continues as it has come out now that he paid children at his son's birthday party to donate blood and caused unneeded painful harm to children in his research studies. All of this to discredit the man responsible for the 20% drop in vaccinations in England and Wales, which resulted in measles cases going from 56 for the year1998 to 1,370 ten years later. Thank you, Dr Wakefield, you have helped children's health regress.

Jenny McCarthy, the actress and spokesperson whose son was diagnosed as autistic has made the refusal of the MMR vaccine popular in America. Her son's autism, which she claims was a result of the above-mentioned vaccine, was magically cured a couple years ago. Interesting.

In addition to autism, parents seem to be concerned that the amount of vaccines given to young children are "too much for their little immune systems" according to a video I viewed on the subject (but cannot recall the title to). Do you find it amazing, as I do, that parents with no science background all of the sudden have become experts on pediatric immunity? (As though the experts who have spent many years of their lives studying and learning about the immune system and its components, many of whom have sworn to the Hippocratic oath, are all on a secret mission to pump harmful chemicals into our children). The CDC recommends the following approach to vaccinations (, not because pharmaceutical companies are paying them, but because excellent research has shown that the immune systems of young children react better when given multiple vaccines at once, as it causes a larger immune response, which helps the body see the bad things as bad. If you wait to immunize, your child ends up having to have more shots per vaccine in the long run, as their systems do not react as efficiently, as well as exposing them at younger, more vulnerable ages to harmful diseases that scientists have fought long and hard against to save kids.

Finally, not having your child immunized may pay off for you, since most other children are immunized. You may point out, correctly, that if the majority of the population is vaccinated, there will be no one to pass on the disease to YOUR child. This is called herd immunity. But the problem with herd immunity, is that a community has to maintain (usually) at least 90% immunity, which barely allows for those with compromised immune systems (HIV positive individuals, etc) who cannot build immunity. Not only do parents with this attitude endanger their children, but they endanger others who are more likely to have serious consequences to contraction of the illness. Oh yeah. And there's the whole travel thing. If you ever want your child to be able to safely travel to other countries, or if you don't want to have to hide them away from any foreigners that may visit your community, you may want to immunize.

I'm all about doing the popular thing when it makes sense. I eat organic spinach, because spinach sucks up pesticides and who needs those? But, while not vaccinating your children or waiting a long time to do so seems protective, real scientific evidence supports the opposite conclusion. I recognize that decisions either way are made out of love and concern for the child, but good intentions... you know.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

You can stop feeling sorry for him very hard...

Keep in mind that all of these were taken from only one vantage point at several points in time. Sleepy laziness abounds here.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

When the Husband's Away, the Wife will...

... get the dog neutered and paint the living room.

Yellow was dropped off at the vet this morning and picked up this evening, very groggy and a bit out focus. He had difficulty walking to the car, but we made it home and he is almost on his bed (didn't quite make it) and snoring, perhaps not blissfully, but soundly. His awkwardness would be funny if he hadn't cried on the way home. That made me very sad.

In happy news, Sarah and Brittany came over to help me paint (!) today. It went so well that it is now almost done - just a couple touch-ups left. Then on to new curtains.

So today was a success. Also I made cinnamon rolls. Which maybe deserves a picture. Because that's a big deal, too.