Things I've Learned Since I've Grown Up

Coffee
Real conversation: Jon begins fishing in his coffee, Me: "What's in there?" Jon: "A fly.... I think this is a good way to catch 'em"
Lesson: coffee left out catches bugs. Double gross.


Multivitamins.
They make bad food good. A multivitamin may be mixed with a brownie to cancel out the "empty calories".
Lesson: you can BS healthy living. Also, they turn your pee neon colors. Interesting.


...and one I've learned today:
Apartment Living
When you hear a flatulent noise while in the bathroom, do not assume it is your husband in the other room and thus yell out, "HEY!" very loudly. It may turn out that your husband had nothing to do with the noise. In which case, one of your neighbors, perhaps upstairs, thinking they were alone, let out some gas, only to hear a small voice from downstairs yell, "HEY!" as though offended. Embarrassing.

It's Not the Eighties Anymore, Cashierwoman. Get a New Haircut.

It has not been a good day so far. Firstly it is raining. Secondly, I had to go out IN the rain.

The only reason I was going out (to base) was to pick up a prescription and get some good deals on that Naked juice coupon I mentioned a while back. The line at the pharmacy had almost an hour wait, so I skipped it. I did, however, go to the commissary and purchase 21 Naked fruit juices. I had 21 coupons for a dollar off. I should have saved 21 dollars at the checkout. DID I? NO. WHY? Because Blue Eyeliner Hair Puff Woman wouldn't take them. Said they were fraudulent. Which, by the way, is NOT true. So an entire 2 hour trip wasted.

Also I had eaten nothing all morning and so I was very very angry. Then I saw a cop put on his lights on the way home and thought he was after me. He wasn't, but it was still an obnoxious rush of adrenaline.

So to make myself feel better, I drank the first of the TWENTY ONE Naked juices I paid for and made a turkey pot pie. For breakfast.

I also found a spider in the sink, which I promptly washed down. I turned on the disposal for good measure. It was therapeutic.

Oh, Henry!

New pictures from the breeder. I can't believe we get to have him in less than two weeks. Isn't he the cutest little piece of angel food cake you've ever seen?
Unfortunately some of the pictures included this shirtless boy, but Henry was so cute, I had to include them.
He is officially, "Oh Henry", but let your mind conjure images of O. Henry as well. He has the same blocky head as our little guy, so he must be English. Plus he wrote The Gift of the Magi, one of the best short stories of all time.
I love him. I'm pretty sure he can't wait to come home and chew up all of our stuff.

Yay!

Clearly I'm Quite Busy

I was trying to slow down a fly today to catch him and release him outside (because I'm all caring about nature and stuff), but when I sprayed him with Lysol, not only did I disinfect him, but I made him shrivel and die, as well.

Oh well. One does try.

Such is Life

The "What will you do with a drunken sailor..." ring on my cell phone went off and I ran to answer it. The man to whom I am married was just calling to say he was on his way home. He had been canceled for weather.... again. I chatted and walked into the bathroom. I looked up into the mirror and gasped. There, on the very tip of my nose, was the hugest white zit I had ever seen. I must have been walking around all day like this. I thought of the nurses, the patients in the waiting room, the doctors, the cashiers. Hundreds. I must have been looked at by hundreds of people today. All the embarrassment of the gynecology visit held nothing on this.

Then I looked closer. It was just cheese from my melted cheddar sandwich.

Oh. Okay.

I Refrain From Comment

I just want to know what everyone thinks of this. I mean, really. I want to know. Comment, please and tell me how this is okay.

It would seem that the government has since amended this "error" after a stream of unhappy calls, etc. There may be a lot of stupid people out there, but at least we're not THAT stupid.

If I Were to Marry Jon a Second Time...

If I were to marry the sweet Scuz again, then I would use Megan Daubert Events to plan and coordinate my wedding. For those of you who have not already walked down the aisle and promised to love through good, the bad and the dirty dishes, I cannot recommend this event planner highly enough. Megan is professional, has great vendor relationships, is conveniently located in the Northern Virginia-D.C. area and has exquisite taste.
Every wedding she has planned looks good enough to be in a magazine. Don't you ADORE these place cards? I love the birds by the names:
A note on wedding coordinators:

I didn't think I needed one. I had time, I told myself, I could handle everything.

No. Wrong. Redo. I ended up hiring someone at the last minute to help. It's virtually impossible to have a stress-free planning time and wedding day if you don't have someone else taking care of details and answering questions and calling the florist who needs directions, etcetera. Who wants to have a stressful engagement and wedding day? I once attended a wedding where the bride and groom ran the reception, playing the playlist, encouraging people to dance, acting as MC. It was terrible. They looked pained and stressed the whole time and did not get to enjoy their own wedding.

Refuse to ruin your wedding.

Therefore, if you are fortunate enough to require a wedding/event planner, you now know to call Megan. Not only do you need a coordinator, you need Megan. Check out her website here.

The Beach and Bordeaux and Sometimes a Navel Orange

My wonderful parents, along with Dinah (left) and Nellie (right) came to visit us last week. I adore my family and it was delightful to have my parents all to myself. We went to the beach (with the dogs... which is why they're passed out), helped the broseph move in to his apartment and helped him buy a new washer and dryer and table & chairs.

Now. I have a washer and dryer which are quite sufficient, so let it be known that I am content. Bearing that in mind, I have developed a large crush on my brother's new washer. It's beautiful. It's energy efficient. It's a front loader. IT'S A FRONT LOADER. Which means this: I can sit and watch my clothes get clean.

Question: What is better than cleaning?
Answer: Watching a machine clean FOR you.
This picture is the father, the broseph and myself, drinking bordeaux and watching the sudsy clothes in the washer go 'round and 'round. It's better than cable.
That was last week. This is this morning:

I live in Florida, but the oranges in the produce aisle are from South Africa. What?
But the nice things that come with that are bragging rights. "No," I may reply to a question, "I have not been to Africa. But I have eaten African Navel Oranges."

Take that.

June Cleaver

Built By Wendy dress: $92.50

Built by Bek dress: $9.68
Granted, I still like the top one better, but now that I figured out the basics, I can try to make one that looks more like Wendy's. In the meantime, I'm going to find a red belt and June Cleaver my way around Pensacola.

Dear Husband and In-laws, I love my sewing machine.

He Grows

The breeder sends us picture updates and, seeing as we are obsessed, I will share occasional updates in picture form until the little guy lives here. Also, note that his name is in the process of being changed. It seems that "John Henry" was being held for our future nephew. When the fat little puppy has his official name, I will announce it.

Of a Sunday Evening

"On with the dance! Let joy be unconfined."

Lord Byron

My Husband Makes Really Strong Coffee

Which explain why I'm *SO* excitable this morning.
But for those of you who enjoy saving money, and especially those of you who have access to a commissary, check out this coupon. It's for Naked juice smoothie things, which I love. They're just fruit. No preservatives or anything and the bottles are made from recycled materials. The commissary often has these for $1.87, which is already significantly below the regular $3 each. With this coupon, I get them for 87 cents. Which is exciting normally, but VERY VERY EXCITING when I've had husband-made coffee. The best part is that it's a pdf coupon, so you can print as many as you want. WOOT!

So print a ton of them and be healthy AND thrifty.


Also, check out what I'm working on for a friend's baby... you don't have to like it, because I think it's adorable enough for the both of us. I don't usually get obsessed with things I make, but the peanut outfit is an exception.

Quarter Italian Confessions

This is a little bit hard for me to admit, but, when I'm hungry and Jon is flying or not home, I just make myself pasta and add sauce... from a jar. And I do this at least every three days or so. And I never get sick of it and I never feel guilty *enough* to make something healthy. And the last couple of weeks when I've been on steroids (over now!), I ate almost a half a box of pasta a day.

I'm only a quarter Italian. So here are the parts of me where that 25% is manifest: My nose and my stomach.

*sigh*