Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Hormones and the Discovery Channel

Today the Hus and I watched a National Geographic program about the human footprint called "Preserve our Planet". We humans are so inconvenient to the poor earth. The program points out statistics about how much stuff humans (especially Americans) consume, how many natural resources we plunder, etc. The Hus and I soon realized that the only solution to the problems presented -the only decent thing to do - would be to crawl into the woods and die. Really, it's the only way to fix the problem.

"Our love of paper" brings us to kill trees, which keeps them from absorbing carbon dioxide from the atmosphere. We send cards, wrap presents and read newspapers. Oh, the waste. And don't even think about turning on your computer to read the news or pay bills or send paperless e-cards, thus saving tons of paper every year. Do you know the amount of energy and all the natural resources it takes to build a computer? And do you realize that, really, computers control us? They control our stoplights, our schedules, our jobs. "We bring nothing into this world and we can take nothing out of it, but while we're here, we will help transform it.", says the program's narrator. So, folks. Crawl into the woods and die. There are no other options.

The poundage of bananas and oranges an American eats over the course of a lifetime is astounding. How could we ravage those poor (renewable!) South American banana trees like that? All the food we eat is ridiculous. The energy and water it takes to process it to make it edible is much too much. Crawl. Die.

And seriously, our houses? These places we live in for shelter and warmth use enough wood (which comes from trees, remember) to span the Golden Gate Bridge, when placed next to each other, end to end. Lots of siding and windows and bathroom fixtures and enough paint to fill one and a half bathtubs - 30 gallons! Waste, waste, waste. If only we did not require shelter. Those pesky basic needs of life. Off to woods to die, I suppose.

In my sarcasm, please do not read an environment killer. I recycle. I turn off lights and unplug plugs when not in use. I plan on composting when we live somewhere where I can do so. I make my own pasta sauce and we grow our own herbs. But, really, National Geographic doesn't think it's enough. I'm still using up precious resources that I can't give back when I croak.

So crawl into the woods and die. And while you're at it, be so good as to strip and cover yourself with a few feet of dirt, so you compost faster.


Heather Nicole said...

omgosh, you are so funny.

now I'm off to go die in the woods. and by that I mean, sleep in my bed--which my mean ole husband hand crafted for our wedding night out of the worlds most precious and dear resource: trees. what a jerk.

Megan said...

haha! Yes. wasteful humans. We doomed the earth. God forbid. Or did He? No he created us and wanted us to tame this beast. Yep. I don't have a green or red recycling bin, so in the trash goes the milk cartons, papers, and cans. Not to mention wine bottles. Some day, like your compost pile, I will recycle. But for now, I am not going to lug bags of dirty cans and bottles into my sports car and drive to a collection center. That would give off carbon emissions.

Anonymous said...

You're hilarious!

Love it.

God said to "subdue the earth"