Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Three Most Recent Pregnancy Comments

During a quick trip to Costco, I was reminded that pregnancy is as good as an introduction in getting people to talk to you. I don't really aspire to talk to people at Costco - I aspire to buy food - so it was a bit awkward for me. The first comment was a compliment. Thank you. I will take those all day long.

The second was from a sleeze-bag who said "Congratulations" in the sleeze-baggiest way possible while staring at my stomach. I don't know. No comment. Except blech.

The third was the most interesting. I was head and arm deep in the milk refrigerator, reaching for the two percent (skim is for people who aren't pregnant) and I hear a high-pitched voice in my ear saying, "Oooh, when is the baby DUE?" Once again, caught up in food purchasing and not expecting strangers to make themselves familiar with me in Costco, it took me a minute before I answered.
"Uh... September 16th"
More mutterings and high pitched squeals (am I the only person who thinks it's weird that total strangers are giddy that I'm pregnant?). Then, reaching out to touch my stomach and quickly pulling her hand back, she says, "Oh! I just want to TOUCH it! But I was in.. hmm... where was I?" More deliberation, "Ah... I think it was the Wal-Mart!"
I didn't say anything, but mentally filed away that she had said "the" Wal-Mart, so that I could complain about people who don't speak correctly, like I do.
She then explained that in THE Wal-Mart she had been talking to a new mom and had reached out to touch her baby. When she did, the mother recoiled and said, "NO! No, touching!" The milk-interrupter gasped and "could not BELIEVE it".
It took many more "I can't believe it"s until I figured out that, instead of being appalled with her audacity in making herself comfortable with other people's bellies and babies, she was appalled that someone would mind a stranger poking at their child. Huh.
Then she patted my stomach (!), thanked me for being pregnant (!!) and walked away.

I wanted to ask her why she didn't learn her lesson the first time. I should have touched HER stomach. Then again, it may not have worked.

I'm not sure, folks. But you're welcome. You're welcome for being pregnant. You are not, however, welcome to my stomach, no matter how round it is.


Brett Baker said...

What on EARTH?!?!?!

Putting definite articles in front of store names is one of my biggest pet peeves.

Yuck. How invasive. Yikes. I'm sorry about that.

Thanks for being pregnant? Really?

Great post. Great, awkward, hilarious post.

Jennifer said...

::gravely:: Humanity thanks you for continuing the race.

But grr belly touching! You need one of these.

Also? One of the What To Expect books suggested patting other people's bellies and saying, "Ooh, when's it due" if people were being obnoxious like that, and I *so* wanted to do it...I never got the nerve, though. If you try it, please post results. :0)

Holmans said...

Excuse me...only people who know u can do that! haha! And even if u mind, people like me who love u & prayed for that baby before if came to be will do it anyways...but no one else! Haha, but seriously, it's considered rude & offensive to touch anyone u don't know, even if they r preggers! Don't these people know?

marigirl said...

hilarious. I wonder if THE lady went home to THE house and told THE husband about THE belly she patted on THE surprised-looking girl getting THE milk at THE costco.

Matt and Ann said...

Haha...i had the cleaning lady at work touch my stomach with the duster in her hand. Then she proceeded to dust my keyboard right in front of me. craziness

Lise said...

Best shirt I've ever seen during pregnancy: "Yes I'm pregnant and due in (insert month), no we don't know what we're having and no you can't touch my belly. Any more questions?" I really wish I had bought it. Loved this post!

she said...

this is still one of my favorite of your blog posts. just shared it with a girlfriend who is expecting, to let her know what she's in for. HILARIOUS!