Thursday, May 10, 2012

Self Sufficient

It isn't exactly easy to figure out discipline. I want a happy, well-behaved child and, to this end, I have disciplined with different techniques. I have tried things. Things that don't work. I have tried things that kind of work. The thing that works very best is nap time. When my son is asleep, he never disobeys me.

Spanking is not very popular nowadays and I'm not here to defend it as an institution. If you can get your kid to listen by being very stern and looking deeply into his eyes while repeating commands, then great. When I do that, my kid laughs at me. Intensity does not equal intimidation with toddlers. If your child understands the concept of 'time out' and will sit in a chair and feel admonished, great. Mine has no problem staying in a chair. In fact, wouldn't it be so fun to stand on the chair? And lean waaaay off the back and grin at Mom? And hang upsidedown from it? Yes. If those things work for you, fabulous. Kudos. Congratulations. Maybe one day, I can have a child like yours and judge people like me who spank their kids. We'll talk then.

In the meantime, if spanking is the only thing that persuades my child not to run into the street, then I will spank. It's better than running interference with a car.

The point is this: My son has found a way out of every other form of discipline I've attempted and he just found a way out of the last one. He self-spanks now.

We were having a coming-to-Jesus moment over whether or not Nate should be allowed to pull books off the shelf and chuck them onto the floor. I was on the, "Stop doing that" side and Nate was on the, "Make me, Woman!" side. He wasn't obeying, so after a couple commands, I said, "If you touch it again, I will come over there and spank you." Naturally he touched it again, but before I could fulfill my threat, he turned to me and spanked himself.

I paused. Perhaps it was a coincidence. Nope. When he touched the book again and I smacked his little butt, he repeated the action with wide eyes and eyebrows raised. His little hand spanked his fat thigh.

Now what? I don't have to spank him anymore, I guess. I suppose it'll go like this:

"Nate don't do that"
Nate does it
"Nathan Scott, spank yourself."
He does
"Now don't you feel bad that you disobeyed?"

Self-spanking is the new thing. Easiest discipline I've ever administered. Now I totally judge people who put their kids in time out. Losers.


3 comments:

Sonya Verblaauw said...

ha ha ha.. that is too funny.

I spank (lightly), my baby is 10 months old, and unfortunately she laughs at me. I have no idea what I'm in for when she is no longer a baby..........

Jennifer said...

Ahaha. Mine hasn't gone so far as to administer the correction herself, but she has often told me when she needs it. She doesn't like receiving it, though, once we get down to it.

I am totally using "coming-to-Jesus moment" for all future occasions. How true it is!

P.S. My pumpkin finally gave in to a couple days of warm weather. I guess your hearty San Diego breed wins. :)

Neil McD. said...

Try getting a unibrow tattoo. I'm sure that would be intimidating, since I can't think of any other reason why people would be scared of me.