Saturday, July 2, 2011

How to Paint Your Nails... Mommy Style

Step one. Prime the suckers.

Apply base coat a couple minutes before you leave to run errands. It dries fast and if it gets smudged it doesn't matter.

Step two. Load the sucker.

Put the kiddo in the car and anything else you need for errands, then put your first coat of color on, wave your hands like you just don't care and get in. Alternate hands in front of the air conditioner vent while driving to the post office. Realize when you see something fly off your car that you left the bottle of nail polish and the package for the post office up there before you took off.

Retrace steps and be impressed that nail polish bottles survive flying off cars at 20 miles per hour.

Step three. Repeat.

Mail the package, reload the sucker in his car seat and apply coat #2. Repeat air conditioning drying aid while you drive to the library.

Step four. Repeat.

Return books, wait a long time to talk to the gal you need to talk to, reload the sucker in his car seat and apply the top coat right before you get in. But realize you left the top coat at home. Never mind... you managed to smudge your thumb anyhow. And said sucker bit your finger and smudged that nail, too.

Step five. Give up.

Go home, pour a glass of wine and decide you don't need lacquered nails to be pretty. You're not a woman, you're a mom. Paint your toes instead.


Andrew and Kate said...

I absolutely love reading your blog. I get a good laugh every time. I can't remember when the last time I painted my finger nails.

Sarah Scripture said...

Oh my word. I was just thinking the same thing about shaving my legs. :) I've sort of given up on that. Gross, I know.